The title of this post sum up the feeling that I have right now, and in a weird way I feel much better to share it with the rest of the world who cares, that include my boss or my employer who is probably monitoring the Internet, Ops. I guess almost everybody experienced the feeling that I have right now at some point in their life. The moment I open my eyes this morning, I feel sick, not physically sick but emotionally sick. I feel like there is a ton of brinks waiting for me to carry, the feeling of dread is overwhelming. Even pulling away my blanket to get up feels like I have to slaughter a thousand men, my body is screaming at me not to get up. But I have to.

I stare at my face in the mirror, saw those lazy eyes and I feel like a bum. How can I allow myself to be lazy, how can I allow myself to be tired? Where is the energy I had? Where have it gone I wonder. Then I thought about a million things I have to do in the office, people rely on me to get things done. Yet I feel like there is no body who is backing me up, no body really cares about the little me inside, as long as I get the wheel turning. I know it is not true, people do care but how come I don’t feel the love? Maybe I am just asking too much. Put my cloths on and kick start my bike, I gotta say that it is the must interesting part of my day, when I ride my bike around the highway.

During the ride to work I contemplated on my feelings, why do I feel this way? What is the root cause of my problem? Saw the front door to my office and I still don’t know. Maybe it is something that will go away with time. But one thing is for sure, I need more sleep, a lot more sleep.