I disappeared from the blogging world and totally lost touch with the technical side of things for the past 4 months, mainly due to the fact that my company headed for Capability Maturity Model Integration (CMMI) level 3 and I have recently move up the ranks. Now I am part of the middle managers dealing with Projects and People, yikes! To tell you the truth, I am still wondering whether I am up for the challenge because of my lack of experience dealing with people. So in recent months I’ve studied as much as I can on managerial books and I watch a couple of online courses on how to manage projects, to be honest, their material is pretty dry. I am used to Engineer’s quirks and smirks, non of that action there; Its all business English, statistics and MBA stuff.
I allow my head to be filled with pride and joy because I did it in such a short time, finally I have become a Project Manager! Not a PMP certified manager yet but at least half of my foot has stepped on the pedestal. I dissociate myself from the Engineering work and focused more on how to point and command, oh silly me. Before long, I lost passion in what I do, and I have essentially lost my goal and purpose by trying to fit into a role that doesn’t resonate with my inner geek. I realize that I am slowly morphing into the type of manager I despise just a few months ago. You know the type of manager I am talking about; bossy with no sense of respect for others, don’t really understand what people talked about, and the type of managers that only focus on the bottom line.
I have gotten so lost I even tried to pick up a new hobby, but finally I understand one simple fact about myself, I can never shed the Engineering skin from my life. Its hard to believe and understand but I really enjoy programming, deep down in my heart I know the science of programming is what keep me up at night, and the art of programming can put tears in my eye. Staring at codes while pulling my hair has been my routine for the past 5 years, I can’t just abandon the habit in a few days, it is impossible. I have to admit though, my skill in the art and science of programming is not as good as my peers, I am not good in math and algorithm either, but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying what I do before so why should I stop now? People play Golf and Tennis as a hobby, I code. Who says managers cannot be technical? In fact I can even gain more respect from my subordinates and peers!
But don’t get the message that I dread being a Project Manager, hell no! It is my life long dream to be where I am today, it is just that I haven’t really fit in the role yet, I am still in the transition period. There are so much to learn in Project Management that could take me years and years to master, no body says it is easy.
I guess that makes me the luckiest man alive because I got my dream position at work, and I get to work on what I love at night. Since I will be managing mostly software development projects, I can reapply what I learn in Software development at work. Perfect!